7-19-15

If there's one thing that being overweight has taught me it's not to judge someone you don't know. 

As a teenager, I was a mean little piss ant. 

I didn't give a shit if you could hear me laughing at your shoes or hair or weight. And I sure as hell didn't think 

"OMG, what does this person think of what I'm saying!?" 

But I do now. Boy do I. Everyone needs to remember that just because some looks a certain way doesn't make it their fault entirely. 

Maybe someone has a lazy eye. You make fun of them, but it's not like they woke up one morning and went 

"ya know what? I'm gonna make the left eye look down

and to the right all day.."

No overweight person woke up and decided to eat a truck load of twinkles one morning. 

Some of us try really...really hard and nothing changes. 

Weight doesn't come off,

scars don't fade;

and pain stays.

You don't know how hard I try and bust my ass and tell myself not to eat that cake because it's bad for me. But still, I weigh 278lbs. 

No matter what, I weigh 278. I guess you could say it's okay cause at least I'm not getting any bigger. But when people at the gym talk behind your back about 

"yeah, some fatty is pretending to run at 2.5mph" 

*chuckles and high fives his buddy*

I understand that 2.5mph is considered "slow walking" on MyFitnessPal, but when it's coupled with the fact that I was walking(breathlessly run-jogging) at 2.5mph on a level 3 incline(IDK what the numbers mean height wise) and I went for 35 minutes, that's a lot! Especially for someone like me. 

Today, some teenagers were in the parking lot of the store that I walked around in for 40 minutes for no reason. Just to exercise a little. 

Upon getting into the truck, I saw them looking...no...gawking at me. Eyes wide. Jaws slacked. And then one of them one says 

"Oh Em Gee, how can she even walk? 

Her legs must be buckling from under her." 

Now as much as I shouldn't let it bother me because she doesn't know me.... It did. 

It hurt a lot. 

Here I am. Enjoying the day. Taking pride that I burnt like 200 calories walking and this chick just couldn't stop herself. She doesn't even know how hard I try to lose weight to only stay the same weight. I sat in the truck and bawled my eyes out. Hard core just horrible. 

My kids asked me what was wrong and I told them the hot was making me sad because I didn't want my kids to know someone called me a mean name. 

I hope something changed soon because at this rate gonna get more and more depressed at this weight and the inability to make it leave my body. 

And it's gonna kill me slowly.