2-22-21

 Just occurred  to me that next year, today’s gonna suck with everything being a 2..... ugh

Anyways. 

How come I always have to wait? I try not to make others wait. I feel bad if I talk to one of T/them, two times in a row because then I feel like I’m favoriting one over the others. But that’s not it. I try really hard to be good and not be asshole a’cause I know I’m not the only thing T/they have to focus on, but I wanna be selfish. I never get to be selfish. I wanna be selfish and big and I wanna be selfish and little. I loves dem so super much. I fink they’re pulling away a’cause I’m too needy. So I’m tryinna not to ppl be visible or heard. But it’s hard. I enjoyed playing with and hanging out with Alyce, and talking and just being us. But I really miss that. 

Senpai finks I’m mad, I’m not mad. I’m disappointment. Not in Senpai. Or anyone really. Just at the situation. I kinda gets upsets and disappointment whenever I get excited for things and a’cause some things Senpai does and how Hims make me feel dats different from the others. 

Honestly I think it’ll all be easier once W/we are face to face. I think that then they can be fluid as can i, and i will be able to have them easier and not seem like I'm favoriting anyone specific.   

2-20-21

 There’s this person I met. 

A long time ago. 

And I fell in love. 

But then I lost them by my own stupidity. 

I hoped I did the right thing. 

I watched and waited and hoped they’d be happy. 

They saved my life more than once without trying. 

One day I had a feeling they needed me. 

Low and behold, they were having some pretty big issues and needed help so I stepped up. 

I learned a lot that day. 

I waited a little bit longer. 

I took a chance. 

I told them how I felt. 

How I never stopped loving them and how sorry I was for walking away and how I wanted them back. 

They were shocked for a moment. 

And then they revealed that they too felt similar. 

My heart was so warm I couldn’t think. 

I thought I was dreaming. 

It had been more than 15 years. How was this happening?

Now we are here. Where I’m sitting here watching them sleep because I hold every single moment dear to my heart. 

Because there’s this person I met. 

A long time ago. 

And I fell in love.