Thursday, January 12, 2023

1-12-23

 I am not yelling at anyone. I am not mad or screaming. I am going to make a list of things I have asked various people in this household to do that either hasn’t gotten done when I asked, or I have had to ask multiple times to get anything done with it… This is my list:

The dishes need to be stayed up on, this isn’t an optional thing, I need dishes to stop piling up all day and then sitting overnight. 

cat litter needs to be sifted more than once a day or once every 2-3 days or not sifted at all and then just changed. This is wasting money and I’m tired of wasting money. I literally scrubbed deep cleaning scrubbed the whole laundry room Monday and now it’s Nasty again… 

Laundry: The laundry, I have asked multiple people to change a load or two and get it 100% caught up on a weekend and it never happens and then it piles up and is getting out of control especially knowing that there’s like 4-5 minimum loads upstairs that y’all are neglecting to bring down and wash as I’ve asked and told and asked repeatedly… 

the bathroom keeps becoming more and more cluttered and then I go through and pile through everything and clean the whole thing. This is tiring. 

Everyone is so worried about phones or video games or goofing off or whatever else it is that you all focus on that’s not contributing to the house you all live in and it makes me feel like I’m the only one that cares how the house looks.

Whenever I say something to dad it turns into an argument. 

Whenever I say something to Renny, it turns into an argument

whenever I say something to Lyn or Eryn, I get huffed at or yelled/griped at and so much attitude as if me asking for other people to also clean the house everyone lives in, is unacceptable and how dare I fathom someone else helping. 

Unless you’re wanting money right away and are interested in it, then nobody seems to want to take care of the house they live in. 

NOW, that I have said all this…. I will say this: 

I NEED HELP. I cannot work 40hrs a week, wash all the laundry, eat, cook, clean the bathroom, sift the litter 4-6x a day, clean up the living room, clean the bathroom and change all the trash, wash dishes 3x a day, and have time for anything personal for myself including bathing/showering and sleep. 

If I don’t start getting help all around consistently, I am going to start seeming like I’m only ever grumpy because I’m never going to be able to do anything but be everyone’s maid, which is how I feel when I’m cleaning all the time and everyone around me is playing video games or just hanging out and not helping.

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

1-11-23

 I honestly hate myself at times. Today is one of those days and nothing I do is making it better and if I try to tell someone, I'll either get toxic positivity "You have to look on the bright side" type bullshit, or I'll get made to feel like I'm the bad guy. So again here I go, just smiling and pretending I'm alright when I'm honestly not good, and I'm broken inside and everything's making it worse and I've tried reaching out to people and nothing I say seems to help really. I'm irritable and my house is never going to be clean unless i do it all and I have to work and bring in all the money to support everyone and I have to drive everyone to all the appointments and I have to literally do everything and then I'm unreasonable to expect that someone else is going to sift the cat litter, feed animals, wash dishes and keep them clean throughout the day, wash laundry and not let it get behind.... Things like that, I don't feel like it's an unreasonable thing to expect, but apparently I'm not doing enough for everyone, so I suppose I'll endeavor to do more. Right now I have a migraine that's making me want to puke and it's not dehydration or food because I've had water and food and it's not getting any better, so I might go lay down and pretend the world doesn't exist anymore for a bit.