7-10-15

Okay, so I don't normally do this, but I need a place to rant again and this seems the best place to do that.

I am a PROUD member of the BDSM community and lifestyle. I am also a domestic violence survivor and rape survivor among other things. Many people seem to think that BDSM is abuse, which.. it CAN be... but only if the so-called "Dominant" is doing things that are not of the general health, well-being, or happiness of the submissive.

In a healthy relationship, a person uses abuse on one-off occasions. You can predict that they will be caring, loving and respectful most of the time.

But in an abusive relationship, a person uses abuse and control often. You can predict that they will abuse you and that they will control you. Sometimes they are caring and loving.



I have been in GOOD D/s relationships, and I have been in BAD D/s relationships and there IS a difference!!

There is a fine line between BDSM and ABUSE/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. 

BDSM is coessential with agreed limits pre-set.

ABUSE/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE should be defined as any act against a person that is physically or emotionally demeaning. 

A Dominant will always be looking out for your best interests. A Dominant will NOT isolate you. He/She will ALWAYS be supportive of you having friends and will not want you to lose friends unless they are harmful to you or your physical/emotional/mental state.

An abusive partner will use isolation as a debilitating consequence of abuse and control

Anyone who lives with an ongoing experience of being abused by a family or household member can become isolated as a result. For instance, the victim may withdraw from friends and family to save face or because they feel misunderstood, judged, stigmatised, or not supported. Particular tactics aimed at isolating the victim can lead women to become extremely dependent on their controlling partner.

**RED FLAG**

If he/she tells you that you are not allowed to see certain people

Sally said, “I was not allowed to keep in touch with my male friends. I made the assumption he was jealous but he’d never admit to it – he had no comprehension that my friendship with these men did not mean I loved him any less or that they’d get more attention in any way whatsoever – it was so immature and pathetic of him and ignorant that he refused to even meet these people.”

Please for the life of everything you hold dear.... 

PLEASE DO NOT LET YOURSELF FALL INTO THE FAD OF BDSM AND END UP IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.