She got out of jail and had her procedure and now it's right back to computer all day and night... She stays on the computer all freaking day. I'm so frustrated. I just want affection... :(
Bill has started messaging me again a lot. and I'm not going to lie... there's a lot of feelings still there... but the things he said... when everything went down he hurt me hard. I am so behind on schoolwork, I think I have to buckle down and stop letting other people distract me so much.
I have figured out that I have issues with holding things in too long and then when they finally come out they explode. Bill told me today that his girlfriend proposed to him... I mean.. doesn't anyone hold marriage sacred anymore?? She has been "dating" him for two weeks now... that's not long enough to marry someone...
He says he told her no
but I don't know what;s gotten into him lately.
I don't know why this bothers me so much. I love Sheryl and I love Bryan... but... I don't know... I know I still love Bill... I still have love for him, and Allan too. I can;t just leave Sheryl and Bryan and go back to Bill... I can't.. but I don't like the pang of hurt when I hear he's considering marriage to someone so.... new..
I can't help but feel like I caused all of this..
I'm going to talk to Sheryl about things tonight some if she gets off the computer with time to talk... I need someone to talk to me and just listen. Pay attention to how I feel and... be here for me.
Love,
Always
Birdie Lou'
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