10-21-14

Okay so I was reading a cute little article and at the end was a "Top Ten Ways To Know You've Found The One". So naturally I decided to have a peek... And while reading them HE popped into my head for every one. He does each and every one of these...! I think he's the real deal. I have found my twin flame. And I can't wait to be free from this chained prison where I feel I have to hide who I am from everyone but him. In case you're wondering... These are the ten signs I read. ^_^ 

1. Not everyone is sexually compatible, so when you find someone who shares your sexual interests, it's something to keep in mind. He's right there with you. He shares your idea of romance and makes sure it happens for you both, regardless of how silly it may sound to someone else.

2. One thing you've probably already realized is that you don't have to fake anything around him. It doesn't matter if you're at a good place in life or at your lowest point. The fact is, he knows who you truly are and doesn't expect you to be anything else. You could have quite a few bad traits you're still trying to improve, but he'll still think the sun shines out of your... well, you get it.

3. A lot of couples who've had a long, happy marriage will tell you; what is their partner's happiness is their happiness. True love doesn't get jealous for the other succeeding or deem it as insignificant. If you truly love each other, you are genuinely happy about the things that make your partner happy and he's genuinely happy about the things that please you too.

4. You could have had the best day in the world, but it just doesn't feel complete if you haven't shared some of it with him. You could have been thought the absolute worst day you've had in recent memory, and even with a million things running through your head, all you want is him.

5. Have you ever seen those couples where one person is way better looking than the other and yet, they're both just as into each other? It doesn't matter who finds either of you attractive, what matters is that you're so into each other. You mutually find each other physically, mentally and spiritually attractive!

6. Of course you're already sharing life with him, but when he's "the one" you will want to share everything with him. You want to have experiences with him, you want to plan your future with him, when you picture your life five years down the road, it's him by your side.

7. Love is not selfish. A truly loving relationship is not one-sided for either party and neither of you are simply focused on getting your own way. Instead of fighting all the time about the dumbest things, you learn to work together to make both parties happy.

8. You want a guy who listens to you, but you want him to also actually HEAR what you're saying. This is the guy who has truly taken note of the things you're saying and learned all about what you like, dislike and feel about any given situation.

9. It is so important that you're with a guy who loves you for who you are. True love is without condition, so even if you feel like you're too talkative, not talented enough or aren't the exact dress size you want to be, he doesn't care and he loves you for you.

10. Not only does he love you for you, he tells his loved ones about you. You are the person he is proud to be in a relationship with and he wants to make sure all of the other important people in his life know about it.

10-16-14

Night before last SHE threatened to throw ryn through a window. And I flipped! I told her if she does I'll kill her.    And then the fight started. Telling me all I do all day is sleep this past week. 

Well of course!! I had surgery a week ago! I'm in pain! I'm tired from my meds.. This all started because Ryn glared at her. SHE told Ryn to clean her room, ryn glared at her, she threatened to throw her through a window!! I told my counselor. And she says she fears for the safety of teetah after we leave. And since SHE already has an open cps case, my counselor is going to file a report. SHE went to jail a few weeks back. For slapping the fuck out of her mom. Her mother that has stage 3 lung cancer btw. SHE went to court and lied her ass off and says that she only smacked her once and that she's not a violent person and blah blah and got off with $300 fines and 2yr probation. Hubs and I found a place that's $110 cheaper a month for rent. Bigger place. Same bed and bathrooms. 3bd 2ba duplex. $750/mo. Landlord said he will take 1/2 off the first month rent if we have the entire sec dep and we can move in nov 1st.  As long as the applications go through okay. We put in the apps Wednesday at 3am. Lol He is filing for bubba cause that's his son. But teetah isn't his... So we are going to see if CPS will place her with us at least until her grandfather is made aware of the situation and we are pretty sure he will take her.  If he doesn't, we plan to file for Taea through cps and see if we can get her. But SHE has gone bat shit crazy and the fact that she sits on the computer from sun up till she passes out... Bothers me. We don't plan on telling SHE until the lease is signed at the new place.  That way when SHE flips... We can run. I've been having nightmares about telling her. Things like... We went and told her that we were leaving and she threw a book at hubs and started beating the shit out of me. 

The kids will already be safe at hub's moms house before we tell her. 

I'm just tired of abusive relationships. My counselor said she thinks I'm doing the right thing and that hubs seems to be a much better fit for me. Since we are on the same level maturity and responsibility levels. 

10-1-14

So I asked the hard questions of myself... And decided I am leaving. The threats. The screaming. The demeaning. I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle the feeling of being manipulated. The feeling like I was brought here... Not for her... But to do the things she doesn't want to be doing. Like my job is to handle anything that she would normally complain about. I want to be in a relationship with someone who shows with actions that I am desired. And it's not just sex. Kisses. Hugs. Touching my skin... Anywhere, pretty much.. Talking to me about random bullshit. Sitting by me for no reason. Supporting my desires in and out of the bedroom. I just want to be with someone that's afraid of losing me for a change. Someone that strives to make me as happy as I try to make them... Someone that likes my smile. Someone that does stupid things to make me laugh when I'm down. Someone that understands that when I'm sick I'm a big baby and as such need taken care of. Someone that understands my submissive side and wants to be that dominant support I need in a mate.

I told him I am planning on leaving tonight... And he started to tear up.. And he asked me not to leave him. He asked why I was leaving and I told him everything. I planned on telling HER at a later time.. After I had a place to go... And he told me he wasn't happy with her.  That he hasn't been for quite some time. And that he wants to go with me. So.... We have decided after a long 3 hour serious talk... That we love each other too much and get along too well.... To let the other go. 

So he is leaving with me. We are going to start over just us. There are many aspects that make me feel like I've found my twin flame... My eternal soulmate.. The one... When I'm with him.. It's like... I've never felt so connected to anyone before like this in my life. I can't explain it really... I'll write more later, I have to run in the store. 

Until next time

Love

Always

Birdie Lou'