4-8-21.2

 Im going to vent. I don’t expect a response. Just... want someone to listen. 

I’m sorry I’m emotional. I’m sorry I don’t do it right. Idk how. And all I do is mess things up. Hurt people. And push people away. 

I’m more trouble than I’m worth and I’m more work than reward. 

I don’t mean to overstimulate. I don’t mean to overwhelm. Honest. 

The post isn’t about you, but I mean.... I guess it could have been. I just couldn’t understand why you went radio silent. I’m overwhelmed today and overstimulated too. But the one person that can help me, dropped off. So I panicked. And I fixated. And i festered. And I bugged. And I clung. And I was over clingy. And then I saw that’s what I was doing. So I backed off in fear I was making it worse. 

Tried reaching out to my sister who swears I mean the world to her so I could vent, but then when I need her, she can’t because her boyfriend wants to watch a movie. I feel like I’m not worth 3% of anyone’s day because that’s how long it takes to message and say “hi I’m thinking about you” or “I’m having a hard day” or “I care” or anything... 

And no, I’m not trying to guilt you. I realize that I may be asking more from you than you are able to give. And I have to accept that.